The age-old truth is that no one likes to get old. Apart from the physical changes of not looking as good as you did in your youth, it’s a bitter pill to swallow when your brain starts to flounder – and there are already more than enough pills to take in your old age.

The worst part is probably that your body and faculties betray you even though you still feel young at heart. My parents are in their sixties now, but inside they still feel like they are in their forties. And I can kind of relate, as I’m in my mid-thirties now, but I still feel like a twenty-year-old.

However, my age is starting to show and it’s a rather rude intrusion into my life. I’ll just be minding my own business when my body or brain will suddenly decide to remind me that I’m not as youthful as I once was. I mean, you know you’re getting old when you get into the car, lose your car keys and then find them in your handbag. Yikes! How did that happen? Or, the classic case of looking everywhere for your glasses only to realise that you’re already wearing them. Oh boy! That’s the kind of thing that happens to my parents. Why is this happening to me!?

And then there are the physical signs and symptoms like when you notice that you’re not quite as bright and shiny as you used to be in photos. Or no matter how much you exercise, your body complains every time. I never felt stiff after exercising when I was in my twenties. But now when I stretch, my body asks me, “What are you doing to me?” and then it proves its point by going into a kind of rigor mortis for the next few days. It’s not pretty. And I’m not even technically old yet.

Fast-forward another thirty years and I will probably be leaving the stove on, flooding the bathroom and calling tweets “twits” and stink bugs “stink plugs”. My parents say the most nonsensical things. They mix up their words and say things like “when the sun blows”, “it smells hot” or for the “severalth time” and then they wonder why they don’t understand each other anymore. Hey, I’m just as confused as you are. Don’t ask me what you’re trying to say.

While aging may not be all sunshine and raindrops… rain clouds… hmm… rainbows – oh you know what I mean – I definitely think there are some things to look forward to. When you’re a pensioner, you get to skip a lot of queues and you get a discount on many things. Plus, I fully intend to eat whatever I want when I’m old, cause who doesn’t love a fat grandma. Besides, isn’t it a grandmother’s job to bake lots of cookies for the grandkids – and they can’t possibly eat all those cookies on their own. Someone has to help them out.

And then there’s that beautiful cross between a golf cart and a wheelchair, which is called the mobility scooter. I’ve seen plenty of tyrants whizzing past the shops and down the aisles on their mobility scooters and I fully intend to join them one day. Apparently driving over hedges and pavements, and mowing people down in supermarkets, is somehow permissible and excusable if you are too old to see or hear the havoc you are causing. And what better way to enjoy old age than to cause havoc wherever you go. In fact, it’s almost your duty to do so. Just don’t go riding around on those things in the dark or you could land up driving into the swimming pool like my great uncle did. Talk about making a splash! And while my great uncle was fine, I’m not so sure the same can be said about his scooter.

So, while no one likes to get old, you can’t deny that there are certain benefits, liberties and freedoms that only senior citizens enjoy. Questionable things that are often said or done are simply excused under the guise of old age. And that is potentially the best excuse that anyone could ask for. But after a lifetime of socially acceptable behaviour that only rewards you with a stranger looking back at you in the mirror, I think it’s only fair to cut the elderly some slack.

© 2020 Audrey Whyte   All Rights Reserved