At the start of 2020, none of us realised that this would turn into one of the most bizarre years of our lives. And while some hailed the virus as an opportunity to slow down and let the world heal, others have suffered from a multitude of perceived and unforeseen effects that have wrecked havoc on their lives.

In the midst of all this commotion, I found myself at a loss for words. What could one possibly write about at a time like this? Is there a place for humour when people are feeling afraid and confused? Do trivial little stories of Life Tales really matter right now?

As I wrestled with these questions – and our new isolated lives – I found I could not put pen to paper in a meaningful way… well, not for a blog post anyway. And then something happened with one of my neighbours and I knew I had to write about it, because it was just too funny and, quite frankly, rather odd.

My car battery had gone flat – something that I’m sure happened to many people as our cars sat idle during the lockdown. I had taken it to a battery shop to get it charged and my husband had helped me to reconnect it. However, my car still didn’t want to start. As a result, we decided to try and push-start the car, which was when a “helpful” lady decided to offer her assistance.

“It’s battery!” she stated, walking over and speaking to us in an assertive, Eastern European accent. She was a fairly tall, stocky lady who looked like she didn’t take any nonsense.

I tried to explain that it wasn’t the battery, as we had just taken it to be charged, but the lady didn’t want to hear it.

“It’s battery! I have special device to start car. I go fetch.” And off she marched.

Feeling slightly bemused, my husband and I continued our efforts to push-start my car, but we were soon interrupted when another car raced down the driveway and stopped right in front us. I was now blocked from going anywhere. The woman hopped out of the car in front of us and threw some jumper cables down on the ground.

“Well, that’s not a special device,” I thought, as I looked at the cables. If I had known she was going to get jumper cables, I would have told her not to bother. We already had a set of those.

My husband picked up the jumper cables and tried to hand them back to the lady, as he attempted to explain politely that we didn’t need them. However, to our great surprise, the lady started arguing with him. And, as he later confessed, he was quite sure the lady would have punched him if he’d continued to argue with her, which is rather funny as I’m sure most people would think twice before punching my 6’6 husband. But, apparently, nothing could intimidate this woman. She was going to help us whether we liked it or not. So, we gave up trying to argue the point and just let her bustle about and shout orders as we attached the jumper cables to the two cars.

“Start car!” she ordered me, as soon as the cables were connected.

I obediently tried to start the car and, of course, it wouldn’t start.

“Ah, not battery!” she bellowed. “Starter! You know starter?”

“Yes, I know what the starter is,” I said, nodding my head.

“Starter!” she barked again. “What is starter in English?” And then she whipped out her phone and started tapping away at the buttons. “I call mechanic. Have friend who is mechanic. Very cheap!”

“No, no, no!” I cried out, feeling rather worried. “My dad can fix the car.”

She looked at me with a perplexed look on her face like I was a fool for refusing her offer. “Mechanic very cheap,” she said again.

“No, no! Dad fix for free. FREE!” I replied as adamantly as I could.

“Okay, well you must buy new starter anyway,” she said, shrugging her shoulders and getting into her car to leave.

“Yes, thank you!” I replied, feeling grateful that this overbearingly helpful individual was finally going to leave us alone.

But then she popped her head back out the car and bellowed, “Get cheap starter at scrap yard. Cheap parts for cheap car!”

Oh my soul! Did she really just say that?

“Alright, thank you!” I said with a pained smile on my face. Please just leave now.

My husband and I waved as the lady roared off and we breathed a sigh of relief. Then we looked at each other with the kind of expression that says, “What the hell just happened?” and had a good laugh about it. We had never met someone who was so forceful about being helpful. It was baffling!

As it turns out, we managed to fix my car a few minutes later when we realised that the car alarm was actually causing the problem. Having been without power, it simply needed to be reset and, Bob’s your uncle, the car started again without any problems. Of course, if we hadn’t spent so much time being harassed by an aggressively helpful lady, we might have reached this conclusion a lot sooner. But, you never know who’s going to cross paths with you… or cross swords with you, for that matter – even if they mean it in the nicest possible manner.

© 2020 Audrey Whyte   All Rights Reserved