I think most people would agree that the toilet is probably one of the greatest inventions of the modern age. Go back a few centuries and the best you could find were chamber pots and cesspits. You could even have a career in the toilet industry in England as a gong farmer, which is as unpleasant as it sounds – but, hey, someone had to clean those cesspits. Although, I don’t suppose anyone ever grew up dreaming of being a gong farmer.
Fortunately, toilets – and career opportunities – have advanced a lot since then. These days, high-end toilets even flush themselves. Now if only they could clean themselves too… Oh wait! They already do. Who knew?
Of course, toilets are also privy to one of the most private areas of our lives. It’s the one thing we almost assuredly do behind a closed door – and, naturally, you don’t expect to suddenly find yourself sharing that moment with a complete stranger. However, as it happens, open windows in bathrooms are apparently not just there for fresh air.
A friend of mine recently told me about one of her most embarrassing moments, which took place at work. She was employed by a small, home-based business at that stage, which had a bathroom with a separate toilet next door.
On this particular day, she was rather desperate for the loo. So, she rushed off to the toilet, closed the door, whipped up her skirt, pulled down her underwear and plonked herself on the seat at a ridiculously rapid rate. She surely would have made it into the Guinness World Records if anyone had been timing her. However, in that brief moment before she could do anything, she suddenly heard a strange sound behind her.
“Oh hell!” she thought as she turned around to find herself looking into the face of a painter who was as shocked as she was. The poor man had been painting the exterior of the house right outside the bathroom window when she had rushed into the loo without any warning.
Now we all know that the logical solution to this awkward situation would probably have been to ask the gaping painter to close the window or go away. But when you panic, your mind isn’t always a good ally.
Turning away from the open window, she immediately asked herself, “What am I going to do now? How am I going to get out of here without exposing myself twice?”
The genius solution (which her panic-stricken brain provided) was as follows. In one swift movement, she instantly stood up and allowed her skirt to fall down around her. Then she quickly waddled out of the toilet – with her underwear around her knees – into the bathroom next door. She closed the door, checked that no one could see her and then returned her clothing to its appropriate position without any further to-do. Phew! She had made it out with her dignity intact… well almost. Needless to say, she didn’t return to the bathroom for quite some time. She had to be sure the painter was long gone after all. He was one person she definitely didn’t want to see again for obvious reasons.
Incidentally, this is not the only ‘I spy with my little eye someone sitting on a toilet’ story that I’ve heard. It seems open windows can be a rather dangerous connection to the outside world when you decide to sit on the throne in your throne room. So, beware of your surroundings and don’t be too hasty or you might literally get caught with your pants down when you least expect it.
Audrey Whyte 
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